From The Waters of Atlantis
by Magnus McKay
Summary: The Diary of Dr Rachel Miller PhD, a young scientist who is on the Atlantis Mission. Her diary details the everyday goings on in Atlantis through her eyes. The diary is mixed with story element to give this a unique point of view. NO SLASH!
1. December 3rd 2004

_December 3__rd__ 2004_

Its been almost 4 months since I came to Atlantis. And you know what? It's still weird saying that word "Atlantis", no one would believe me back home, hell I didn't even believe it myself when I heard. I decided it was high time to start a diary, that way I'll get down every detail of Atlantis so I can't forget my amazing time here. However I don't think I could EVER leave this place.

Everything is amazing here, the work I'm doing is no short of revolutionary. The things we can do with the technology the Ancients left behind is simply mind boggling! Everyday we find something new, something we have no idea about. But it seems Dr McKay and Dr Zelenka figure it out soon enough. They truly are genius. Back on Earth I was a genius, kind of, but here it seems I'm outmatched. In fact the only thing I seem to be good at is making coffee and bringing Dr McKay sandwiches.

McKay can be a little…pig-headed at times. The other day I was in the lab with him and he actually yelled at me for moving his research notes. Well I'm sorry but when a folder of Head Scientists research notes are in close proximity to a rather full coffee mug that he had precariously balanced on a pile of paperwork, then you tend to take the initiative.

Dr Zelenka was very kind and apologized on his behalf, even came and sat with me when I was in the cafeteria taking a break. He is a very interesting man and extremely well educated. I hope to work with him closer over the next few weeks. Rather him than McKay.

He told me to ignore McKay, as he was under a lot of pressure, trying to get the ZPM up and running again. He said that there might be some information stored in the Ancient instruments we have found. He also muttered something under his breath, which I didn't quite catch but I think I heard Zelenka call McKay a buffoon. He told me that he'd noticed me and I had made some very good findings.

That's more than McKay has ever said to me. In fact I don't think McKay has ever said anything to me at all to tell you the truth.

-oOo-

_Dr Rachel Miller PhD places a fresh cup of hot coffee next to Dr Rodney McKay's hand. She glares at him and grits her teeth, biting back an insult and the uncontrollable urge to pour the scolding coffee over the big headed clot's hand. The past couple of weeks this man has infuriated her in a way she didn't even think was possible. She turns away and returns to her own tiny little desk in the corner of the room._

_It was weird to think that at the start of the expedition she had actually liked this man. Even thought he was quite good looking, not in a Dr Radek Zelenka kind of way, he had more of the mad scientist looks about him, something Rachel actually quite liked. McKay had the whole saving the world kind of vibe about him that she had found hard to resist to begin with. But after spending the past four months with the man she realized that he was a walking ego who thought about himself rather than others. It had made her very bitter and cynical about the whole expedition._

_It was pitiful how, with Dr McKay and Dr Zelenka on the Expedition Team to Atlantis, she had been pushed to the back of the Science Team. She was just as clever as them, but oh no she was just seen as the British girl who was there just to be a fetcher and carrier for McKay, the insufferable bastard._

_Rachel gets up and picks up the completed report of findings on a lab they had recently found in the depths of Atlantis. Thankfully it wasn't dangerous like the last lab they found. No creepy Nanobots in jars this time. No panicking because you have about an hour to live. It was just a large bank of Ancient Technology, each one was in a different stage of completion or repair. _

_McKay had become very excited, he's been living on caffeine since they had found it, which means extra fetching and carrying for Rachel. She hadn't even got a look at the technology herself because McKay was constantly buzzing around it and unless she brought him coffee or a power bar, he kept pushing her out of the way, the jumped up twit._

_Rachel approaches McKay's desk and places her folder on the clearest spot she can find on the cluttered desk. There are several empty coffee mugs and plates strewn along its length. With a frown she notices a bunch of paperwork stacked haphazardly in his in-tray with a cup of cold half drunk coffee perched on top of it all. She frowns and removes the mug, shifting the papers into a more organized, stable pile. "What are you doing?" a voice asks her. Rachel turns ,her arms full of McKay's work, her eyes wide. The owner of the paperwork is glaring at her in pure anger. "I was just-"_

"_I know exactly what you were doing, you were moving my work around. How am I supposed to find anything if you keep assuming you're helping me by moving things around?" McKay snaps. Rachel's eyes brim with angry tears. Everyone in the lab is staring at them. All she can think about doing is throwing his stupid paperwork right in his face._

_Zelenka is sat across the room. He frowns and gets up, marching over to the young Dr Miller and putting a hand on her shoulder. She is actually considerably taller than him and it's a long stretch to her shoulder. "Is everything okay here?" he asks twitching his glasses up his nose. Rachel looks stunned and she just stares at McKay. "It would be if people would stop moving my work around the lab." McKay snaps. Zelenka takes the stack of work out of Rachel's arms and drops them heavily into McKay's. Rachel turns and leaves hurriedly, getting away from McKay before he started shouting again._

_Rachel made her way to the cafeteria, every blood vessel in her body ready to burst in anger at McKay's words. She gets herself a coffee and sits down, stirring sugar into it slowly. She stares out of the window and looks out across the beautiful calm sea. It was the perfect shade of blue and so still it looked like a millpond. She sighs and looks down at her coffee and groans. In her anger she had forgotten to bring any milk powder with her._

_Behind her someone clears their throat. It's Dr Zelenka. "Oh, Dr Zelenka, I'll be there in a second, I just thought-"_

"_You don't have to explain. Rodney is an idiot. Maybe not in the usual sense but an idiot all the same. I apologize for what he said to you."_

"_You needn't bother."_

"_No, no," Zelenka drops himself opposite her, "You are a good scientist, amazing in fact. I don't understand why you have been left to do such low level work, wait I do, McKay."_

"_McKay is just so….grrrrr…"_

"_I second that."_

"_I've never hated a man so much. He infuriates me every time I see him. I swear if I have to get up to fetch him a sandwich when I am working on my algorithms again I will murder that man in cold blood." Rachel says her eye twitching. Zelenka laughs and Rachel just gives him a serious smile, sipping her coffee. "He isn't that bad once you get to know him." Zelenka says stirring his own coffee. _

"_I suppose, it's just if he keeps winding me up the way he is, I'm going to snap." Rachel replies with a long low sigh. Zelenka gets up and stretches. "Back to work then Dr Miller."_

"_Please call me Rachel."_

"_Radek." They walk from the cafeteria together in silence, preparing themselves for hurricane McKay._


	2. December 7th 2004

_December 7__th__ 2004_

Well it's been an interesting couple of days. Zelenka and McKay had an argument about me. Now I'm the one that sounds pig-headed. Rather they had an argument about my work.

You see I gave them each a copy of a paper I had written on the ZedPM and its power modulation and maybe we could maybe utilize it on a smaller scale. It is no short of genius if I do say so myself. The sleepless nights I spent on this paper, the frayed nerves, the amount of coffee I consumed. Very, very crappy disgusting coffee that tasted like licking a badger. I long for a Starbucks coffee, it would be so awesome if there was a Starbucks on Atlantis.

Hmm, I get really easily distracted don't I? Huh…anyway, McKay went mad. The paper contradicted half of his workings for a start, however I knew that I was right, the calculations were correct and undeniable.

But McKay went off on one, trying to throw me off the science team for undermining him and his work. Zelenka heard the racket all the way down in the Med Bay. He jumped in and argued my point, which I had been unable to do as McKay just, doesn't take a breath…ever.

However I got more and more wound up and…I ended up doing something stupid. I sort of…punched Dr McKay. I'd already pushed him into a piece of Ancient technology. I didn't break it, thankfully. It did more damage to McKay's back, which is a good thing.

I've been taken off the science team and Dr Weir has told me to report to Dr Beckett for a full series of psych tests. I'm sure that I'll pass them, as long as McKay's big head isn't in the room at the time.

-oOo-

"_IT ISN'T WRONG!" Yells a female voice. The yell makes both Dr Carson Beckett and Radek look up. "Now that does not sound good." Radek says, refocusing on the cut on his hand. He'd been fixing one of the puddle jumpers that Major Sheppard had crashed last week. He'd caught his palm on a broken control crystal and needed stitches. "If there's blood tears I'm not cleaning it up." Beckett replies placing the last stitch into Radeks' numb hand._

_He places a fresh bandage on the wound and pats it down gently. "Now you know what I'm going to say, aye?" Beckett asks his eyebrows raised. Radek nods after taking a few seconds to work out what Beckett had just said. His thick Scottish accent had always thrown Radek. "Yes Carson, I've heard it all before, I've just never been on the receiving end." he replies. Carson holds up a tube of pills, something a little stronger than regular painkillers. "Now I want you to take one-" before Carson has a chance to finish what he was saying, there is a crash and a pained yell from the Labs. A very expensive sounding crash._

"_MY CALCULATIONS ARE NOT WRONG! YOUR CALCULATIONS ARE WRONG! YOU THINK YOU CAN SOLVE EVERYTHING WITH THIS KIND OF THEOREM? WHERE DO YOU GET THIS STUFF, FIRST GRADE SCIENCE?" That yell was louder, and more manly, but only just. Radek and Carson both detected the dulcet tones of Rodney McKay. And by the sounds of it he was laying into someone on the staff. "Oh…I know what this is about." Radek sighs. He jumps off the table, takes the pills from a shocked looking Carson and heads to the labs quickly, but not quick enough to break into a run. He hated running._

_Sure enough, inside the lab Dr Miller and Dr McKay are raging at each other. Miller is looking down at McKay, her height giving her an advantage over the situation. She does looks quite foreboding. What did they feed these English kids to make them so damn tall? _

_McKay is stood by an Ancient control panel, his face twisted in rage and pain, Miller is standing a little further back, her face angry and red, her hands balled into tight fists. McKay is rubbing his back, Miller had pushed him into the Ancient control panel, that was what the crash had been. _

_Luckily from what Radek could see, it had done more damage to Rodney than he'd done to it. "You dare tell me that my theory is wrong, you dare!" Rachel growls. She goes to pick up a paperweight on Rodney's desk, intending to aim for the smug bastards receding hairline and knock a few brain cells out of him the process. Radek rushes forward and grabs her hand. She looks at him with a mixture of surprise and anger. Radek has a fleeting thought that maybe grabbing her hand was not the best thing to do, he'd basically just waved a red flag in front of an angry, raging bull. He releases her hand and pushes his glasses up his nose nervously. "I'm thinking maybe you should not do that, yes?" he says, looking her in the eye._

"_Fine." She says in a small voice. _

_Her eyes are still on Rodney who has moved towards her now there is a Zelenka shaped barrier between the two of them. She slowly puts the paperweight down and pushes it away so she isn't tempted to pick it up again. Seeing that the danger has passed, McKay draws himself up to his full height, which is still a few inches short of Millers, and points to the open door. "Here take your paper and go, get out of my sight, you're off the science team." Rodney growls. Now, Radek knew this was too far. He whips round and frowns deeply at McKay. "You want to throw her off the science team just because her calculations are better than yours?" Radek asks._

"_No, because she assaulted me AND her calculations are WRONG!"_

"_I have read the paper too, she gave me a copy, her calculations are…how would you say? Spot on."_

"_No, she either leaves now or I will have her thrown off the team for good." Rodney snaps. He holds Rachel's paper out to her and she takes it, snatching it out of his hand. "There is no room for miscalculations on my team." Rodney says, just as she passes him to get to the door._

_Radek groans, he couldn't not say it, could he? He couldn't just let her walk on by could he? No that was not the McKay way, kick them while their down was the McKay way. God love him, if the man didn't have so many degrees proving he was a genius, Radek would have truly believed this guy was a complete idiot. _

_Rachel turns slowly and glares at Rodney, her whole face contorted in rage. She swings her fist and cracks him with a beauty of a right hook to the eye. Rodney falls heavily to the floor, completely dazed by her punch. Radek looks up at Miller and she stares back at him in shock. The look on her face tells him that she is surprised at what she's just done._

_Radek takes a step back and surveys the scene. Rodney is literally seeing stars on the floor, Miller is walking away towards a waiting guard who raises his eyebrows as she points to McKay lying on the floor of the lab. She makes a punching motion, clearly she is telling him what she has just done. The guard steers her by the shoulder to the control room, no doubt to see Dr Weir. _

_Radek gives a low whistle and hit's the communications device in his ear. "Dr Beckett, I think you might be needed in the lab, there has been an…incident." Radek says slowly. He switches his com off and stares at a still woozy looking Rodney. Okay, Dr Rachel Miller was not the person to get on the wrong side of._


	3. December 11th 2004

_December 11__th__ 2004_

I passed my psych test with Dr Heightmayer, flying colours. Dr Weir was very surprised when Dr Beckett announce to her that I was fit for duty and that the…incident, shall we put it, was just a mixture of stress and prolonged exposure to McKay's ego. Well he didn't put it like that but it's close enough.

Something weird happened today. I was in my quarters, reading one of the books I had managed to pack into my bag before we left Earth. It's the book my mother gave me for my birthday two weeks before I came here, I've almost finished it, just one last chapter to go. It's a signed copy of Frank Wilczek's _Longing for the Harmonies: Themes and Variations from Modern Physics_.

Anyway, that's beside the point. There was a knock at my door, I thought it might have been one of the guards I had gotten to know when I was waiting to talk to Dr Weir, but believe it or not it was Dr McKay. And I'll tell you now, the bruise I gave him is an absolute beauty. It covers practically the whole of his left eye, eyebrow and all.

He apologized for what he'd said, he'd run some of my tests and had come to the same conclusion. I'm back on the Science Team, but not just that, I've been promoted to his Understudy. Bit of a crap title, I know, but I'm happy!

Talking with him I've learnt he is actually quite a nice guy. He asked me if I could join him on one of his research trips off world tomorrow afternoon. I said yes!

I've seen enough of Atlantis, I'm ready to see the rest of the Pegasus Galaxy and all it has to offer. We're heading out to a small planet called _Timitus_…my first time on alien soil, I mean proper alien soil, the kind that doesn't feel like home like Atlantis does. I don't think I'm ever going to get to sleep tonight. I'm far too excited about the prospects!

I should at least try, I have to get up early for a briefing with the other members of the team. I'll finally be working with Teyla, who I have been longing to speak to, but never really had the guts to approach. Morning can't come quick enough.

-oOo-

_Dr Weir is sat across the table from Dr Miller, surveying her carefully, Rodney is sat next to Weir typing out calculations on his laptop. He can't understand why he was there. He was incredibly busy, there were so many things he needed to do, but Weir had insisted that he should be here. _

_He knew the woman was a loony, she'd punched him! Okay, okay, her theory was correct, her calculations were undeniable. But just because she was right and sat here looking all coy and sorry for herself didn't mean she was sane. And it sure as hell didn't mean she could punch him._

_Carson clears his throat and passes Weir a sheaf of paper. "Dr Heightmayer has given me the results of Dr Millers psych test. She passed with flying colours. It'd seem that what happened between her and Dr McKay was due to stress and her…work environment." he explains. Rodney looks up at Miller from his laptop. She was looking down at her hands, a little relieved smile on her face. Weir smiles at her, looking up from the results Carson had handed her. "So Dr Miller do you think you will be able to return to work anytime soon?" Weir asks with a smile. Rodney snorts into his coffee. Miller looks up at him, her eyes narrowed. Had he mentioned that she'd punched him?_

_Weir gives him a reproachful gaze and looks back at Miller. "I'm ready to head back to work, that is if Dr McKay will have me back." Miller replies, still looking over at Rodney. _

_Oh crap, it was on him now, if he said yes then he'd have to swallow his pride and apologize. If he said no then he'd have to put up with the reproductions from Weir, Beckett and Zelenka. Especially Zelenka. And truth be told she was very good at her job. Damn it. "I'll have her back, if she keeps her fists to herself." he says coldly. Weir and Beckett glare at him and Rodney just shakes his head and looks back down at his laptop. Ignore the stares, ignore them, ignore them, ignore them. "Thank you Dr McKay and…I will." Miller replies with a tight smile. Rodney's eye twitches and he looks at Miller over his laptop. Damn, damn, double damn. He was going to have to make it up to her wasn't he? Oh, this wasn't going to be pretty at all._

_Beside him Zelenka gives a sigh. Miller and Beckett leave after a few words from Weir. The usual stuff, disciplinary stuff, stuff Rodney never listened to. Weir turns to Rodney and fixes him with one of her looks. "Yes Dr Weir?" he says impatiently._

"_This incident was as much your fault as hers. You need to reign yourself in Rodney, Dr Miller is a competent worker and after listening to what she's had to say it seems to me like you haven't really given her a chance." Weir says a cold tone to her voice._

"_I have given her a chance, I just gave her a chance."_

"_I think maybe you should give her more responsibility." Zelenka pipes up. Oh, here we go, Millers knight in shining armour was here. Rodney sighs and rubs his already aching head._

_Rodney hated apologizing, even more than he hated vegetarian food. Carrots and lettuce was not food, humans were designed to eat meat, that was why we had canine teeth, to rip the meat off the bones of an animal. _

_Oh great, now he's thinking about chicken, just what he needs. He's sure that if his stomach rumbles during this apology he was going to die of shame and perhaps hunger, it would seem. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door of Dr Millers quarters. "Enter." comes the muffled reply. _

_For a second, a flicker of thought crosses his mind, as it always does when entering a females quarters. Please don't be naked! Naked women put him on edge, hell semi-naked women put him on edge, he'd get all stuttery and not be able to remember what he was talking about. And that never looks good when you're trying to apologize._

_He remembered one painful memory when, having only been there a week, he had got lost on the way to the canteen, walked into the women's changing rooms at The SGC and come face to face with three rather beautiful young military officers in not much but their underwear. _

_Unfortunately for him they all had guns in their lockers and he was frogmarched to the Samantha Carter at gunpoint. Sam was equally in shock to find three women in towels, dripping wet and pointing pistols at an embarrassed, bright red Rodney McKay in her office. That had been a rather difficult one to explain, especially with the stammering and stuttering. It had taken at least half an hour to say he'd got lost in the maze of corridors._

_Rodney shakes his head and waves his hand in front of the door control and lets himself into Miller's room. Thankfully Miller is fully clothed, in a rather fetching pale blue jumper. She looks up at Rodney from her book. Ah, Frank Wilczek, he notes, good choice. He clears his throat and prepares to say something. "Spit it out Rodney." Miller snaps. Rodney looks taken aback by her snippy comment. He gathers himself and clears his throat again. "I'm sorry." he says in a small voice. Oh that was just great, he sounded like a mouse that had just got trodden on. Good going Dr McKay! _

_Miller raises her eyebrows and closes her book. She swings her legs off the bed and stands up, moving closer to Rodney. Jesus, she is tall isn't she? "What was that McKay?" Miller asks, a smile playing on her lips. Of course this was how it was going to be, humiliation. "I am sorry." Rodney says again, louder and clearer this time, "I ran some of your tests and the calculations were right." Miller smiles, its kind of creepy and reminds Rodney of a Wraith Queen. Miller turns back to her bed and sits down, picking up her book and opening it again._

_Miller frowns up at him, he hasn't moved. "Oh you're not done?" she says breezily. She knows I'm not done, Rodney thinks, she's trying to make this as awkward as she possibly can. "I'd like you to come back on the team as my ahem…understudy." he says, his eye twitching in embarrassment._

"_Understudy? What does that mean?" Miller asks with a frown._

"_It means someone who is trained as-"_

"_I know what understudy mean's McKay! I wanted to know what it meant for me."_

"_You get your own office and your own small team. You also get clearance to go off world." Rodney explains. _

_With her as his understudy she was practically on the same par as Zelenka. This hadn't been his idea, this had been Radeks, Rodney had protested at first, but after seeing some of her work on Ancient Technology, her genius really couldn't be denied. "Which reminds me, there is a mission, tomorrow, small scale no risk foreseen. As my ahem…understudy, you need field training and you will be coming along with us. That is if you want to." Rodney adds. Miller stares at him in shock. _

_It takes her a few minutes of blinking and stammering to finally say in a flustered voice, "Yes, God yes I'll come with you!"_


	4. December 12th 2004

_December 12__th__ 2004_

Today I accompanied Dr McKay through the Stargate to a small planet called _Timitus_. The Stargate was a little further from the gate than we expected, but there were strong energy readings coming from the south, so we decided head out there rather than turn back.

I had a good conversation with the other members of the party. Major Sheppard is a nice man, if a little _too_ good looking for his own good. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say no, but he really isn't my type…I like smarts and although this man doesn't have the IQ of a toadstool like most military officers I have met, he just doesn't really do anything for me.

Lieutenant Ford is a great bloke, we both share a passion for basketball and after I told him I used to play in the under 25's Girls Basketball team at my University, we've scheduled a little one on one for next week. We also talked about University and what it was like in England. I told him it was pretty much the same as in America except the food was better.

The person I was really looking forward to meeting was Teyla. She is an incredible woman, she told me lots of stories of the Wraith, which to tell you the truth put me on edge a bit. I get on with her very well and she has offered to give me a few fighting lessons if I were to go on anymore away missions with the team.

I even got on with McKay, who seemed to be in a very good mood. I think that he had been feeling a little bit claustrophobic in Atlantis and the fresh air and wide open spaces were doing him a world of good.

We followed the signal to a tiny little village with no more than I would say 50 people. The village elder, a man named Taylus, welcomed us and spent some time listening to what we had to say. He kindly permitted us to stay as long as we wished, on one condition. We brought a doctor from Atlantis. His wife was pregnant and she had been suffering with unusual pains during the last few weeks. Sheppard agreed and he sent Ford and Teyla back to Atlantis to get Dr Beckett and some more equipment. It looks like we will be staying here tonight.

The people here are quite pleasant, we've been welcomed warmly and given everything you can imagine to eat, much to McKay's joy. Seriously that man never stops eating.

I think we have all lost track of days since we've come to Atlantis, just 5 more days and it's Christmas day. I told Sheppard and McKay and they were as shocked as I was. We had a bit of a reminisce while waiting for Ford and Teyla to return with Dr Beckett. We were talking about what we'd be doing for Christmas if we were at home.

I told them about the huge family dinner we always used to have, giant turkey none of us would eat, sitting down for the Queen's Speech while popping Rennie like they were candy.

I asked them about theirs. McKay said he never bothered with Christmas, that he was always working Christmas Day as it was the one day of the year where there was never anyone in the lab. Sheppard just ignored my question completely with a shrug and a "not much". It made me feel really sorry for them.

-oOo-

_Timitus is a small little planet of nothing, but according to Teyla, there's a village that may be able to trade with Atlantis. The away team readied themselves at the Stargate in the Gate Room of Atlantis. It comprised of the usual Major Sheppard, Teyla, Ford and McKay, however this time they had an additional member in Rachel._

_Rachel looked up at the huge Stargate before her. She wasn't ready for this, she so wasn't ready for this. An alien planet, she was already on an alien planet but she'd just got used to this one. McKay looks over to her. "You feeling okay, Miller?" he asks._

"_Just fine McKay." Rachel replies, her jaw clenched tight. The fact she really needed to pee and her heart rate was close to that of a stroke patient had nothing to do with it._

_The large disc around the Stargate begins to rotate, each chevron making the tell tale dialled noise. Rodney had given her a crash course on how to use the D.H.D. the previous evening. 'Just in case.' he had said. She knew better to ask, 'Just in case of what?'. He'd managed to escape with just a little punch to the arm when he insulted her. _

_The gate opens and the brilliant blue glow of the event horizon fills the Gate Room. Rachel had seen it several times, but had only ever been through it once. For her once had been enough, it had made her want to vomit. _

_Major Sheppard gives her a reassuring glance and steps through the gate. Teyla and McKay follow which leaves Rachel and Ford to go through last. Rachel's feet feel like lead and she tries to move forward but can't, nerves have got her. Ford looks back at her and smiles, he backtracks and holds his hand out to her, she takes it and he leads her forward. Together they step through._

_It's weird to be there one second and gone the next. As soon as Rachel's feet land on the planets ground, her legs give way and she drops to her knees. McKay and Sheppard look back at her. She groans to herself, McKay had to see that didn't he? He'd done this thousands of times, this was only her second time. McKay, however didn't laugh, rather he just told her to get out of the way so he could close the gate._

_Rachel gets to her feet slowly and walks a little shakily towards the D.H.D. watching closely as McKay shuts the gate. She sighs as the gate closes. "The village is this way. It should take us a few hours to get there, but the people are extremely welcoming." Teyla informs them._

"_A few hours? I knew we should have brought a puddle jumper." McKay says grumpily. McKay has managed to voice exactly what Rachel was thinking. "You going to moan the whole way Rodney? Think about it, you'll be able to walk off all those power bars you've been eating." Sheppard replies. Ford and Rachel share a look and smile at each other._

_At first the going is easy, the way is flat and there is even a small broken down path. Ford, McKay and Teyla walk on ahead, Sheppard hangs back with Rachel who is still shaky after her trip through the Stargate. "You'll get used to it." Sheppard says in a quiet voice. "Mmm…" Rachel replies._

"_You okay?"_

"_Mmm…"_

"_You don't sound it."_

"_I'm fine, just…knackered." Rachel says with a sigh. Sheppard looks at her puzzled by her wording. Oh yes, he's American, she'd forgotten. "I'm tired." she says and Sheppard makes a little 'oh' noise. "You'll get used to being constantly tired too." he says with a smile. "You know that really doesn't make me want to go on anymore away missions, you know that don't you?" Rachel replies with a small laugh. Sheppard laughs with her._

_McKay looks at the scanner in his hand and looks ahead. __"Anything?" Rachel calls ahead. McKay shakes his head and purses his lips in anger. He was hoping to get some sort of interesting reading buy now. They decide to take a break while McKay recalibrates the scanner for the next part of the journey._

_Ford passes Rachel a canteen of water and she takes a long drink. She hands it back and Ford passes it on to Teyla. "Thanks for the help back there by the way." Rachel says with a smile. Ford shakes his head and gives her a wide smile. "Not a problem. Tell you the truth, I was so scared the first time I went through a Stargate my commanding officer practically threw me through it." he admits._

"_Thanks for not doing that to me." Rachel replies._

"_I wouldn't do that to a girl."_

"_And what is that supposed to mean?"_

"_Well you aren't exactly…"_

"_What Lieutenant Ford?"_

"_Nothing…" Ford trails off and looks down at the canteen Teyla has handed him back. _

_Rachel smiles to herself and leans back onto a large piece of rock. McKay is stood with his back to the group swearing at the scanner under his breath. _

_Rachel idly plays with a smooth stone in her hands and throws it into the air, aiming for McKay. She manages to get it between his flak jacket and his shirt. He digs it out and frowns looking around for the culprit. Ford gives her a sidelong look and grins at her. "Nice shot." he says in a low voice as McKay turns away again and continues his work on the scanner. "Under 25's Basketball Star Player at Cambridge University three years running." Rachel says with a wicked smile. Ford looks impressed. "Maybe you and I should play, I've heard some of the guys have hooked up a basket ball court on one of the bigger observation decks." he says with a grin._

"_You bet." Rachel replies._

_They've been walking for a good hour and McKay and Rachel are flagging behind. Neither of them are built for walking, and both of them are suffering. "We-should've-brought-a-puddle-jumper." Rachel gasps._

"_It is not far now, you can see the smoke from the village over the tree tops." Teyla says with a smile. "Thank GOD!" McKay says throwing his hands into the air in joy._

"_I hope they don't see us as a threat." Rachel mumbles._

"_You had to curse it didn't you? If I get attacked, what am I going to do, throw my degrees at them?"_

"_The world doesn't revolve around you McKay, but I'm about as useless as you in a fight. I wish I'd kept going to Judo when I was younger." Rachel mutters. McKay looks at her and points to his eye, which is a violent shade of purple. "You hit anyone like this again and you're laughing." he mumbles in a low voice only Rachel can hear._

"_If you will be accompanying us on further away missions you are welcome to take some fighting lessons with me," Teyla offers, "I have asked Rodney if he would like to take a few lessons, however he has always found something more important to do."_

"_Hmm…getting hit several times by wooden sticks or actually SOLVING our ZPM issue?" Rodney replies, not looking up from his scanner. Teyla looks over at him, her face fixed with a bemused look. "The point is not to get hit by the stick, Rodney." she sighs. Rachel looks down and laughs silently to herself._

_The village was tiny, with a population of just under 50 people. The village elder, Taylus was a nice man who was happy to help the team in their investigations of the planet. On the way through the village, McKay had picked up a strong energy signal to the south and he was dying to investigate it._

_After having a long conversation with Taylus he agreed to set up a trade link with Atlantis for medical supplies an if a doctor could come and help his wife, who had been suffering with unusual pains in her final few weeks of pregnancy. Sheppard agreed and sent Teyla and Ford to collect Dr Beckett from Atlantis. They'd been gone for over two hours now and the sun was beginning to set._

_The village elder had given Rachel, McKay and Sheppard one of the empty huts on the outside of the village. The three of them sit outside in front of a small campfire. Rachel sighs and looks up at the beautiful golden sunset. "Seems weird that in a few days it'll be Christmas Day." she says._

"_Really?" Sheppard asks._

"_Yeah, I mean where's the cold?"_

"_God I hate Christmas." McKay says, opening a power bar._

"_Now come on Mr Grinch, tell us all why you hate Christmas." Rachel asks looking out of the corner of her eye. McKay reluctantly sits up. "I just don't understand why the whole country grinds to a halt for a kids, expensive holiday. The only good thing about Christmas is the food. Oh, the roast dinner." he rants._

"_And his stomach grew three sizes that day." Rachel says in a high pitched storybook voice. McKay glares at her and Sheppard laughs loudly. "Oh, ha, ha. That's the last time I share anything with you." McKay replies snippily._

"_Oh, come on! At least tell me what you do on Christmas Day!"_

"_Not much, I work in the lab. It's the one day of the year where there's no one around to bother me."_

"_Oh, Rodney," Rachel sighs, "Don't you go and have Christmas dinner with your family?"_

"_No Jennie lives too far away…and she's a vegetarian."_

"_What about you Major Sheppard?"_

"_It's John and not much. Watch a few films, have a few beers and its normally a microwaveable meal for me."_

"_Oh…my God. You guys are so sad!"_

"_Why what do you do?" Sheppard asks looking over to Rachel._

"_Get together with the 'rents, big family dinner, me, my brother Dylan, grans and granddads. We wake up about 9, open presents, dinner at 1 and finished in time for the Queens Speech where we graze on chocolates and cheese and biscuits, then we fall asleep in front of the afternoon movie, supper of turkey sandwiches at about 10 then a pack of indigestion tablets each and bed," Rachel sighs blissfully, "It's great." _

_She stares off into the distance and puts her hands behind her head, basking in the rays of the last of the sun. McKay and Sheppard look at her like she's crazy. They all fall silent as the brilliant golden sun finally slips behind the mountains in the distance._


	5. December 19th 2004

_19th__ December 2004_

I still can't believe we got out of there alive. We got attacked by Wraith while we were waiting for Ford and Teyla to return with medical supplies. We thought they had been a long time, they hadn't been able to dial the gate. The Wraith had locked it.

So it's no surprise that I'm writing this sat in the Infirmary while Dr Beckett takes a blood sample. He said it's a good idea for me to keep a diary as it is a good way to deal with PTS Disorder. That cheered me up a whole load.

I was out of it for five days since the rescue. I busted my ankle, looks like I'm going to be off my feet for three weeks. I've also got a beauty of a slash across my forehead, stunner burns on my chest and back, marks where a Wraith tried to feed on me and I broke three fingers.

When I came around Rodney was in the bed next to me on his laptop. He dislocated his knee but wouldn't tell me how. What he doesn't know is that Carson told me while he was asleep. Ford and Teyla came back for us with a Cloaked Puddle Jumper and as Rodney ran towards it, he tripped over the ramp. When Carson told me I howled laughing and woke Rodney up. I just feigned pain and got away with it.

Carson told me that he wants to keep me in as long as possible because he's worried about the Wraith marks getting infected. I actually have no recollection of it happening. Apparently Rodney dragged the Wraith off me before it could start feeding which was why he has stun burns on his chest. There's something I can never live down, Rodney McKay saving my life. Of all the people who are on Atlantis, it had to be McKay didn't it? The one man who still manages to infuriates me and one of the men I've actually become quite…fond of.

-oOo-

_Dr Miller had been out since they'd got her back to Atlantis. Carson checked her stats and sighed. She was in bad shape, but she'd live. The Wraith that had attacked her luckily hadn't had a chance to feed, but it had left a large welt on her chest. I'd heal but she'd have a scar, she was just lucky it hadn't become infected._

_Rachel stirs and opens her eyes a crack. She groans and looks up at Carson, a confused look forming on her face. "Try not to move, love, you're in the infirmary. You've had a rough few days." he says placing a calming hand on her shoulder._

"_What happened?" she asks groggily._

"_Now isn't the time sweetheart, you need your rest."_

"_I need to know what happened." Rachel says heaving herself up into a sitting position. Carson sighs and adjusts the bed making her more comfortable. She stares at him patiently and he reluctantly gives in. "It's patchy, but as far as I know…"_

_Wraith darts fly overhead, their telltale sound makes all the hairs on the back of Rachel's neck stand up as she jerks awake. She sits up and pulls a pistol from Major Sheppard's holster which is hanging from the bottom of the bed she is lying on. She looks down at the sleeping owner of the gun. The guys had been very considerate and given her the bed. Well Sheppard had insisted and McKay had moaned about his back and got a grim look from the Major._

_She sits there breathing heavily and listening carefully. I was a dream, stop being so paranoid, she thinks. But a feeling in the pit of her stomach keeps her fixed into position. Sheppard slowly wakes, sits up and looks over at her, she doesn't notice due to the fact she is staring up at the ceiling. He frowns as his eyes grow used to the dark and spots the gun in her hands. "What are you-" before he finishes his sentence, she swings the gun towards Sheppard and he dodges out of the way, but she doesn't fire. McKay wakes with a yell and jumps back when he see's Rachel pointing a gun towards him._

_Rachel drops the gun, wide eyed. "What do you think you were doing?" McKay whispers in a low hiss. Rachel flaps her mouth wordlessly and shakes her head. "I thought…" she mutters._

"_Has she gone crazy?" McKay hisses to Sheppard._

"_Why are we whispering," Sheppard whispers back, "Miller, what did hear?" he adds, dropping the whispering. She sighs and falls back onto the bed, rubbing her face with her hands. "Oh SHE gets to go back to sleep? We're not just hanging on waiting for a reply here." McKay says aspirated. Rachel sits up again and stares indignantly right back at him. "You know Rodney-" something breaks through the thin wall and pulls Rachel through it. "RACHEL!" Sheppard yells grabbing his P90 and running out the door, McKay in hot pursuit._

_The village suddenly explodes with screaming and the sounds of Wraith stunners. Rachel has been pulled down a small dirt track on the edge of a steep slope by a Wraith who is leaning. Sheppard tries to get a clear hit but a second Wraith bowls him over. Rodney looks over to him and watches them fight for a second, but a scream from Rachel draws his attention away. _

_The Wraith has clamped its hand onto her chest, getting ready to feed from her. Rodney bolts towards it and tackles the Wraith off her. He tumbles down the hill locked into a fight with the hulking Wraith._

_They get to the bottom of the hill and the Wraith pops up, Rodney struggles to his feet and goes for his pistol but he lost that on the tumble down the hill. He is completely defenceless._

"_Dial it again." Teyla snaps at down the radio to the member of the team who is using the D.H.D. in the Gate Room of Atlantis. Carson throws Ford an uneasy look. As one of the only people who has the Ancient Gene, he's been forced to fly the Puddle Jumper, the one thing he loathes to do. "You do realise that this is way too much responsibility. Do you remember what happened last time I did anything like this? I nearly bloody well blasted Major Sheppard out of the sky." he rants._

"_You're the only one on Atlantis who can fly this thing." Ford replies, looking at Carson out of the corner of his eye._

_This was the third time they'd dialled the gate on Timitus, but the gate was locked down. They hadn't said it, but Carson knew that Teyla and Ford were thinking about Wraith involvement. Why did they always jump to that conclusion? What if the locals were just using the gate? It was a logical thought._

_The gate finishes dialling and to everyone's surprise it opens. Carson tries not to whimper as he uneasily drops the Puddle Jumper down towards the gate. "You know love," Carson says looking back at Teyla, "I really shouldn't be doing this, look at me, I've got the shakes. I've never even passed my test." _

"_Just go." she replies._

_Carson takes a deep breath and pushes the Puddle Jumper forward with his mind. "Carson," yells Weir in his ear, "Retract your drive pods!"_

"_Oh, right." he replies. See, he shouldn't be doing this. The Puddle Jumper however slides through the Stargate without a hitch._

_On the other side it's night, the area around the Stargate is bathed in the light of two stunning moons. Carson opens his eyes a crack, Ford is looking at his in disbelief. "Did you just fly us through the Stargate with your eyes closed?" he asks. Carson just smiles at him sheepishly. Ford just points towards the village and Carson pilots the Jumper towards it._

_It's not long until they see smoke rising above the tree line and an orange glow. A Wraith dart hovers above the village. "Dr Beckett, you must engage the cloak." Teyla warns. Carson nods and thinks really hard. That should have done it, but being on the inside of this confounded contraption, he wasn't sure._

_Carson drops the Puddle Jumper at the bottom of a slope just outside of the village. They've barely been there a few seconds when two shadow figures roll down the slope, stopping a few yards in front of the Jumper. The one with their back to them gets up quickly, the other gets up slowly, leaning on its knees. "Is that McKay?" Carson asks, squinting into the dark. Ford and Teyla bolt for the door._

_Rodney holds his hands up. Was he going to try and reason with the Wraith? "Now look here." Rodney says in a small voice. Oh, apparently he was. The Wraith advances on him, there are gunshots and Rodney drops to the floor, throwing his hands over his head. He looks up to see Teyla and Ford looking down at him. "Where the hell have you been?" Rodney demands, the strength in his voice back._

"_We couldn't-"_

"_There's no time, Sheppard and Miller are still up there." he continues, cutting right across Ford. Teyla, without a seconds thought races up the hill, Ford following. Rodney jigs on one spot for a moment, debating to go with them or not. He shakes his head and follows them back up the slope. _

_The village is in ruins, fires burning in every building. People are fleeing in every direction and in the middle of this mess is Sheppard firing at every Wraith that approaches him and the limp form of Rachel Miller. Teyla and Ford run forward to help Sheppard keep the Wraith at bay while Rodney scoops an unconscious Miller up. "Let's move, back to the Jumper!" Sheppard yells._

_They all run down the slope, several Wraith in pursuit. Sheppard and Ford pause at the door to the Jumper and more Wraith pour out of the forest. They fire their stunners and hit Rodney in the back. He trips and falls on the ramp of the Jumper. From inside the Jumper Teyla roughly drags Rodney and Miller through the door. Both of them are now pretty beaten up. Carson checks them over as Sheppard and Ford get the Jumper in the air._


	6. December 22nd 2004

_December 22nd__ 2004_

Well I'm still in the infirmary. I just got the feeling back in my toes from the Wraith stunners, tell you what, shoot me again because the pain in my ankle is killing me!

McKay has left the infirmary, I heard him yelling this afternoon. I see what Carson means by "Sound travels" in Atlantis. If I lie on my right I can hear almost everything coming from the Medical Labs, if I concentrate really hard. Not that I can.

My mind can't help but wander back to the Wraith, they were terrifying. I mean, I already knew that, but being attacked by one was a completely different kettle of fish. I wake up at night in a cold sweat when I think how close I was to being lunch for one of those creatures…

Major Sheppard visited me today, came to ask how I was, I know, I know, state the obvious to how I feel. My head is still bandaged up, my leg is in the air, my chest is still stinging and it still bleeds when I move, the bruises on my back and sides make it impossible for me to get comfortable. How do you think I feel?

Radek was also kind enough to pay me a visit. He looked really rough, I mean he does anyway, but he looked absolutely shattered. Apparently McKay had a breakthrough a few nights ago and he's had Zelenka do all the legwork. Poor Radek fell asleep on the edge of my bed. I didn't have the heart to wake him up. It was only a matter of time before McKay found him though and we had another yelling match.

I've been making Christmas cards all day. Carson caught me making his and I had to stuff it under the covers. He's the only person I've seen actually get into the Christmas spirit around here. He's warring a sweet little Christmas Tree shaped pin that flashes yellow and red on his doctors jacket.

-oOo-

_John peered around the door of the infirmary. Rachel was sat up, a paintbrush in one hand, her hair pulled up into a loose knot, held back by a spare brush. "Am I interrupting?" he asks cautiously. Rachel looks up and shakes her head, smiling warmly. "No, just doing a little painting." she replies, washing her brush and pushing the little table away. John sits next to her bed. She looks a hell of a lot better than she did on Timitus. "How're you feeling?" he asks leaning back in the chair._

"_I've broken my ankle, I have a Wraith mark on my chest and I'm so bruised from the stunners, I can't actually get comfortable. A part from that, I'm okay." Rachel replies a little snappily. John nods and throws his hands behind his head. "How is McKay doing?" she asks in a nonchalant voice. John looks up at her, a small smile forming on his face. "Oh pretty good. He keeps getting pissed 'cause people keep hiding his crutches."_

"_You keep hiding his crutches, don't you?"_

"_It keeps him out from under my feet." John says shooting Rachel a cheeky wink._

"_You shouldn't poke a sleeping dragon you know, Major." she replies, a slight smile playing on her lips. They laugh loudly as Carson hands Rachel her tablets._

_Rachel slides her legs out of the bed and places her swollen foot on the cold floor. She groans as a shock of pain travels up her leg. She tenderly puts weight on it and grabs her crutches. She hobbles along to the door and is just about to leave when Carson rounds the corner. "Crap!" she mutters and turns around quickly. She twists her ankle and yells out in pain. She sinks to the floor and casts the crutches away angrily. Looking up she sees Carson with his hands on his hips and his eyebrows raised. "And where do you think you were going?" he asks curtly._

"_Look, Carson, I'm going insane in here. I want to head back to the labs, I could be working!" she protests._

"_No, no, you could be resting," Carson replies, "And you have a visitor." Rachel raises her eyebrows and peers around Carson. A rather dishevelled looking Zelenka is stood behind him. She sighs and holds her hand out for Carson to help her up._

_Together Radek and Carson help her back to the bed. "You're worse than Rodney." Carson says, dropping Rachel back on the bed._

"_Don't you dare compare me to Rodney McKay." Rachel says frowning. She slides her legs back into bed, grimacing slightly as she inches her aching foot back down between the sheets. _

_Radek waits patiently as she gets comfortable, sinking on to the stool beside her bed. With a sigh she looks up at him. "So, Radek, how's things?" she asks as she adjusts her pillow. Radek shakes his head and takes his glasses off, rubbing his eyes. "Rodney's had a breakthrough with the ZPM." he replies, placing the glasses back on his nose._

"_Really? That's wonderful!" Rachel replies, actually excited._

"_You're lucky you're stuck in here, the man's turned into a dictator."_

"_Like he wasn't before?"_

"_He's had the whole science team working night and day on this 'idea' he's had. I haven't slept in 38 hours."_

"_Oh, Radek. Do you want me to…hop down there and sort him out for you?" Rachel asks seriously. Radek laughs and leans on the edge of Rachel's bed, folding his arms and resting his chin on them. Rachel grabs a pen and paper off her bedside table and scribbles an angry note to Rodney on it. She rips it off the pad and goes to hand it to Radek, but he's fast asleep. She sighs and smiles, she doesn't have the heart to wake him up. _

_Carson wanders over and Rachel holds her finger up to her lips and points at Radek. Carson nods and smiles, retreating to his desk and sitting down. Rachel silently taps away on her tablet as Radek sleeps on. _

"_RADEK!" comes a loud yell from the hallway. Radek snaps his head up and curses in Czech. McKay hobbles through the door, he's definitely not a pro on crutches. "Radek, you said you'd be five minutes with that condenser and I find you here?" he yells. Rachel puts a calm hand on Radek's shoulder and frowns deeply at Rodney. "I have important experiments and that conden-"_

"_Rodney…" Rachel says in a warning voice._

"_What," McKay snaps, "Sorry. Miller, hope you're feeling better, there, can I have Zelenka back now?"_

"_No."_

"_I'm sorry what?"_

"_No, Radek is going to go to his quarters and sleep."_

"_But he has-"_

"_He's worked for 38 hours straight."_

"_So have I." Rodney snaps back. At this Carson looks up. He frowns and walks over to Rachel's bed, where Radek is staring bleary eyed at McKay. "You haven't slept?" he asks McKay. McKay looks like a little kid who was caught stealing cookies from the jar. "Rodney, what did I tell you when you left? Sleep at regular intervals or the treatment won't work." Carson presses._

"_Yeah, but then I had a breakthrough and then-"_

"_Rodney, don't make me give you a bloody sedative."_

"_You wouldn't." McKay says with a unsure laugh. Carson just gives him a look that says it all, he would. "Okay, okay, I'll go and get some rest." McKay replies with an indignant look at Carson. Radek gives Carson and Rachel a thankful smile and makes for his quarters before McKay can collar him._


	7. December 25th 2004

_December 25__th__ 2004_

It's Christmas Day on Atlantis…there are a few words I never thought I'd write. Carson was kind enough to discharge me from the infirmary now that my chest has begun to heal quickly and the bruises have subsided. I gave Carson his card early this morning. He loved it, but to tell you the truth I think he was just humouring me.

I went straight back to my quarters for a proper shower and a change of clothes. I feel so much better in my regular clothes. I thought, you know what, sod it…it's Christmas day, I'm going to be goddamn comfy! Oh and the shower, I can't tell you how much that felt like heaven. I must have stood under the hot water for at least an hour, working out all the tension in my shoulders. The Wraith mark on my chest was a little off putting at first, but I suppose I'll just have to get used to it.

I've wrapped a few gifts for the guys, nothing to fancy. We had a ration of alcohol when we first arrived. I still had my last two beers that we were allowed as a parting treat from the SGC and I knew that Sheppard had consumed his a few months back so I hid my last one and wrapped one for him. I decided to give Radek this sweet little carved wooden necklace a child had given me in exchange for a bar of chocolate on Timitus. Quite frankly I don't want to keep hold of it, it's too…

Anyway, I had no idea what to give Rodney, until my eyes fell on Wilczek's book. I had read it twice since I had been here and now it was little more than a keep sake. I wrote a little something inside under what my mum had put for my birthday. I know Rodney will appreciate it.

There is going to be a big dinner tonight. All the staff have been sent a memo, casual dress, meet in the gate room. I think I'll just throw my uniform jacket over what I'm wearing now. I can't be bothered digging for anything classier now. I've only got half an hour before it starts and I need to go and find Rodney.

-oOo-

_Rodney peers at his notes and tuts as he notices a glaring mistake in his calculations. He scribbles it out and taps his pen on the pad of paper. He glances at his watch. He'd head up there in a bit. He didn't want to miss out on the food, but he knew there would be mingling in the gate room first, and he wasn't really the crowd kind of guy._

_He glares down at his equations and makes a quick amendment. The lab door opens quietly and Rachel limps in. Rodney looks up at her, surprised by her presence. She's wearing a large Santa hat, a Green Lantern t-shirt and a pair of black three quarter length pants with her uniform jacket over the top. Ah yes tonight was supposed to be casual wasn't it? He'd forgotten. "Hullo." he mutters, looking back down at his notes._

"_Come on, everyone is already up there." Rachel says cheerfully._

"_I'm not going."_

"_What? Oh come on, even the Grinch gave Christmas a try!"_

"_I'm not a Grinch…I just have an issue with crowds. Especially on those death sticks back there." he waves his hand in the direction of his crutches. Rachel walks forward and leans on his desk. It's now that he notices the small bag in her hand. No doubt Christmas cards for the others. "You don't have to be in the crowd. You can stand in the Control Room, that was what I was going to do." she presses. Rodney just shakes his head. "Fine…" she mutters, "I was going to give you this when we got up there but still." She moves around the side of the desk and pulls a badly wrapped parcel out of the bag. It's wrapped in a thick piece of industrial paper and kept together with red and green elastic bands. There's a card with it too, which she places on top of the present. "Merry Christmas, Rodney." she says. She leans forward and plants a timid kiss on his cheek. Rodney feels himself blush as she pulls away and heads for the door. "When you're ready I'll see you up there." she says a little breathlessly._

_Once the door has closed and he's gotten over the shock of having the youngest and by far one of the prettiest members of the expedition planting a kiss on him, he looks down at the present. He opens the card first, it's hand made and painted beautifully with a scene of two Ancients standing side by side, each with a glowing ZedPM in their hands. She's given them wings and halos to make them more Christmassy. He smiles and props it up on the clearest part of his desk he can find._

_He then turns his attention to the present. He carelessly pulls the rubber bands away and out falls a book. The book she was reading. At first he's a little disappointed, until he opens it up and reads the first page. 'Rachel, on your 21__st__ Birthday, may you find all the happiness in you're new job, mum, dad and Dylan XxX' his eyes slide down the page and rest on what Rachel has written underneath the author of the books untidy autograph. 'My dearest Rodney, may this book while away the hours as it did for me, Dr Rachel Miller, Atlantis '04'._

_Rodney sighs and snaps the book shut. He tucks it into his inside pocket and grabs his crutches. If he was going to gatecrash the party, he was going to get changed first._

_Rachel mooched about the Control Room. There weren't many people up here, just people who were too depressed at being away from home and the grumpy bastards who felt it necessary to be there, but were adamant they were not going to have any fun. At last Major Sheppard and Teyla break away from the crowd and walk up the stairs. Rachel makes her way over to them and they both greet her with a smile. Teyla walks straight up to her and presses her forehead against Rachel's gently. "It is good to see you well." Teyla says, smiling widely._

"_I was just explaining to Teyla about Christmas."_

"_Wait the good Christmas or the boring angels and kings one?"_

"_Well actually I was explaining both, how children from our world re-enact the Nativity play and then gorge themselves on chocolate, forget their one line and…throw up in the manger…" Sheppard grimaces._

"_Wait…John you didn't…did you throw up on our lord and saviour?" Rachel asks mock serious. He pulls an awkward face. "It was in first grade," he replies, "I made a very queasy looking Joseph." Teyla and Rachel break into peels of laughter and Sheppard winces at the memory. "Am I missing some funny anecdote?" asks an accusing voice from behind Rachel's back._

_She turns at grins at the sight of Rodney. He's wearing a blue t-shirt with an old gray lumberjack shirt over the top. With one hand he's leaning on a crutch and with the other he is holding a stainless steel mug, no doubt with some sort of liquor in it. "Oh that reminds me!" Rachel says snapping her fingers. She digs in her bag and pulls out cards for Sheppard and Teyla._

_Teylas eyes light up as she takes the envelope off her. "I figured that you'd never had a Christmas Card, so I took the liberty." Rachel says with a shrug. Teyla removes the card from the envelope and smiles. "You painted this yourself?" she asks. Rachel nods, "So do you like it?"_

"_It is perfect, thank you." Teyla replies. The card depicts Teyla herself standing beside a large decorated Christmas Tree placing a piece of candy cane on an outstretched bough._

_John opens his and smiles. "Why am I shooting the head off a pissed off looking snowman?" he asks laughing._

"_Why not? And this is a little something." Rachel hands him his present. In seconds he's into it. He just makes a small sighing noise and smiles warmly at Rachel. The music cuts off and Dr Weir informs them that their Christmas Dinner was ready. Rodney grabs Rachel's arm and makes for the door at quite a pace. "Excuse us, invalids coming through." he yells. The first sign of food and this man could move like lightning!_

_The cafeteria is buzzing. Everyone is talking loudly and there are spontaneous bursts of song every now and then. Rachel, Radek, Rodney, Carson, Teyla and Sheppard are sat together with the rest of the Science Team, feeling that they were on safe land here rather than with the Command Staff or the Military. Radek is wearing the necklace that Rachel had given him and keep thanking her at every opportunity. Sheppard offers Teyla the end of a cracker and she looks at him like he's gone mad. "You take the end and pull." Rodney explains. To demonstrate he holds one out to Rachel, who takes it and gives it a yank. There's a bang and the contents spill out onto the table top. "I won!" Rachel yells. She picks up the bottle opener shaped like a crocodile and pockets it. She switches her Santa hat for the flimsy green paper crown and forces the Santa hat onto the head of a reluctant looking Rodney._

_Teyla is now looking at Rachel like she's just dropped out of a tree. Sheppard waves the cracker at her. "I do not understand the appeal of these crackers." she says frowning slightly. Sheppard just waves the cracker again. "What are you betting that if he does that again, Teyla is gonna floor him?" Carson whispers into Rachel's ear. Rachel laughs and begins to choke on her roast potato. Carson thumps her on the back and she stops coughing. "Thanks." she mutters weakly._

_Teyla finally takes the end of the cracker and pulls. Sheppard grins as he looks down at his larger half of the cracker. "I won, lets see, what did I get?" he says pulling the contents of the cracker out. It's a small compact mirror. He frowns and hands it to Teyla. "Why are you giving this to me? You won." she replies._

"_I don't have any use for it.""Thank you then, Major Sheppard."_

"_The hat however, that's mine." Sheppard replies sticking the yellow crown on his head._

_Once everyone has finished their meal there's call for a toast. With a loud "Cheers!" everyone downs their drinks. The night is over and many people are retiring to bed. Carson, who had drunk rather a large amount is helped back to his quarters by Nurse Cindy who he had been talking to about Trout all night. Sheppard and Teyla had disappeared to talk to Weir and Radek was deep in conversation with another Czech Doctor in Medical._

_Rodney gets up from his place and knocks his crutches over clumsily. "Whoops!" he mutters and giggles to himself. Rachel picks them up and hands them to him. "Maybe it's not such a good thing for you to head out on you own on those things." Rachel says, her voice a little slurred. Rodney nods and allows Rachel to link his arm. He walks along for a few feet then stops and hands one of the crutches to Rachel. "I'll on'y trip over the confounded thing." he says frowning._

_They make their way down the corridor past the infirmary. Along the way they hear a very loud and out of tune rendition of 'I'm a Little Teapot'. There's a screaming laugh as they round the corner but both Rodney and Rachel are ignoring it. They're trying very hard to stay on the right track, but they're both all over the place. Finally they come to a halt outside Rodney's quarters and he flails his hand at the door control. He manages to open the door and he leans on the door frame and looks back at Rachel. "Thanks." he says in a low voice._

"_S'no, problem any time." Rachel replies. They looked at each other, eyes slipping out of focus. Rodney moves forward and kisses Rachel on the lips. She staggers back, wide eyed. "Uh, Merry Christmas." Rodney replies. His face turns a deep red as he smiles at Rachel. "Merry Christmas." she breaths back, her pale cheeks flushing a little also. She turns and walks unsteadily up the hall. Rodney grins and retreats into his room the doors sliding shut._

_Atlantis is silent now as Rachel makes her way back to her own room. She pauses and frowns. There was a niggling pain in her temple. "It's the alcohol." she mutters. She stumbles and throws her hands out to steady herself. Okay a little breather. That's what she needed. She leans on her knees and closes her eyes. Okay don't do that, it makes the room spin and that make you want to throw up, she thinks. She straightens up and…_


	8. December 26th 2004

_December 26__th__ 2004_

I'm back in the infirmary. After last nights Christmas Party, I had a little too much to drink and collapsed in the hallway. If Rodney hadn't gotten up in the search of coffee early on this morning then the state I'm in could have been a lot worse. There's a lesson I've learnt. Never mix meds and alcohol.

I didn't come round until 4.30 this afternoon and by that time Carson was in a foul mood. He looked worse for ware himself when he gave me a lecture on taking medication and drinking. I didn't point out that he was hammered himself the night before and that if he had told me during dinner that I shouldn't have drunk so much then I would have taken heed. But he was at the end of his tether and I thought it best not to.

I was told later by Nurse Bella that by the time she'd got Carson back to his quarters, there was a small gathering outside of his room. Medical had begun playing a drinking game and he had insisted in taking part. Apparently he put up quite an argument and Bella couldn't be bothered arguing back.

10 minutes later Carson had begun to sing a rather crude version of 'Here's a Little Teapot' which one of the Medical team had recorded. Carson had woken up in the morning to find the whole Medical Team laughing at him. He'd apparently nearly died of shame when informed of the previous nights entertainment.

I'm back in my quarters now, drinking large amounts of water might I add. Rodney popped his head around the door and said hey. I think he was checking up on me, but when I asked why I was in the hallway where his quarters were and not in my own, he turned a violent shade of red and left swiftly.

Now I think about it…Oh, God…we didn't…did we? Had he…kissed me?

-oOo-

_Rodney's first thought was, "Oh God my head, what have I done to my head?" he winced. He was lay on his chest, his head buried in the pillows. He rolled over and sat up slowly. He was fully clothed and his crutches were strewn on the floor. He got up and tested his knee with his full weight. It was actually feeling much better. Unlike his head._

_He changed into a clean pair of trousers and a clean shirt after downing a glass of water and two heavy duty painkillers. He left his room, crutchless but limping, in the search of coffee and maybe a cookie._

_He took his usual route up to the labs, where it was more than likely someone had just started a fresh pot of industrial strength coffee they all consumed. _

_He rounded the corner and frowned. There was someone passed out, face down on the floor. He hurries forward and rolls them over. It's Rachel. He checks for a pulse and checks her breathing. Both are okay but he can't wake her up. He hit's the com in his ear. "Dr Beckett, in fact anyone, get down to the Science Lab Hallway. Dr Miller's passed out, I think she's been here all night." he says hurriedly._

_He takes his jacket off and covers her up with it. He holds her hand gently, stroking the hair from her face until Carson arrives and tells him to get out of the way while she was placed onto a stretcher. "You're lucky you found her when you did, any longer and she would have slipped into a coma." Carson informed Rodney._

"_So she's going to be okay?" the scientist replied, worry on his face._

"_Aye, we'll put her on a drip. And she might need to have her stomach pumped. How much did she have to drink last night?"_

"_I don't know I was too dru- tired…I was too…tired." Rodney replies, sheepishly looking at the floor. Carson gives him an angry glare. Well it's not as if he had room to talk, Rodney remembered the state the Doctor was in the night before and it was in no way as bad as Rachel and himself. Carson just sighs and heads back to the infirmary to tend to his new patient._

_Carson was jumping by midday. There had been 23 admissions to deal with, and that was before he'd had his dinner. There were 4 broken wrists, 9 lacerations, 6 sprained ankles, a dislocated shoulder, 2 heavy nosebleeds that wouldn't stop and by far the worst, Rachel Miller drinking while on meds._

_Carson sat at his desk sipping from a steaming hot cup of tea. He rubbed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his report. His eyes slipped up to the calendar on the wall and he groaned. Just six days until New Year. If he thought the cases he'd had on Boxing Day weren't enough, New Years Day was going to be worse. He sighed and got up, best do his round._

_Everyone was doing fine and even Rachel had finally snapped out of her heavy sleep. She was looking very sheepishly over at Carson, she knew exactly what was coming. Okay it had been his fault, as her Doctor and Head of the Medical Team, he should have warned her, but he himself had consumed rather a large amount of alcohol himself. "How're you feeling?" Carson asks Rachel brusquely._

"_Like someone has driven a truck into the side of my head, other than that…deeply embarrassed." she replies, not looking up at Carson._

"_Do you have any idea how dangerous it was drinking that amount of alcohol after taking your medication? You could have died. If Rodney hadn't found you when he did then you could have slipped into a coma, and God knows how long you would have been here for." _

"_I'm sorry, Dr Beckett." Rachel replies in a small voice, her eyes welling up. Carson sighs and puts a hand gently on her fidgeting hands. He's not really used to Rachel calling him Dr Beckett, they had always got on very well and since the day they'd met they had been on first name terms and only really called each other Doctor when they were in a formal situation. So for her to call him Dr Beckett she must feel like she is really in the dog house._

_He smiles at her gently and rubs her on the shoulder. "It's okay love, you're young, we all make mistakes when we're young. I remember my 18__th__ Birthday. Well sort of…" he pauses and frowns._

"_What happened?"_

"_I couldn't tell you, I woke up in the local hospital with my arm in plaster and a terrible hangover. Apparently we had been leaving one of the pubs and there were a flight of stairs leading down to the street and I fell from the top to the bottom, bounced off the last step and landed on my arm." he explained. His eyes had a glazed far away look to them. Rachel sniffed and Carson looked back at her. "Thank you…Carson." she muttered. He just smiled and began to write up her discharge paper._

_Rachel had left the infirmary and headed straight to the cafeteria. It seemed the whole of Atlantis was suffering from the mother of all hangovers. Even the coffee tasted off. Rachel grabs a sandwich and heads back to her quarters. She doesn't like how quiet Atlantis is, with so many people in bed still and those who were up too fragile to make a noise, it is as silent as the grave._

_Rachel falls back onto her bed and pulls the sandwich out of the box taking a huge bite. Just as she is about to devour another mouthful there's a knock at her door. "Come in." she yells in a muffled voice. Why was it that when people wanted to talk to her she was always eating. She didn't like eating around people, it was rude, and she was paranoid about people seeing her eat._

_Rodney pokes his head through the door and Rachel waves him inside. He nervously walks through the door and floats by Rachel's wardrobe tentatively. "How are you feeling?" he asks with a smile._

"_Hungry, you?"_

"_Like someone has put my brain in a blender."_

"_Know that feeling. How much did we drink last night?"_

"_I actually have no idea."_

"_Listen thanks again for you know, getting the Wrath off me and you know stopping from slipping into a coma and all that," Rachel pauses and frowns, "Huh, I just can't understand why I was in the corridor to the labs when my quarters are the opposite way."_

"_Yeah, um, well," Rodney mumbles looking at his watch, "I should really get going I-I should really, you know get on with some work. I-I…" he trails off. He practically runs out the door, his face burning red. Rachel blinks, trying to comprehend what just happened when things start to unfog from the previous night. It dawns on her why Rodney ran from the room and her eyes go wide in shock. "Oh my God…he kissed me!"_


	9. December 28th 2004

_December 28th 2004_  
I officially went back to work today. It's gone very well, despite things between Rodney and I. We had a conversation, well actually it was more of an argument, about it this afternoon when we were working in one of the lower labs where an exploration team had found a bunch of Ancient Tech. Oh, we've found several more of the personal shields, which Rodney refuses to even touch.

Well anyway, we were checking out these prisms that were giving off strange energy readings and we were having to work in close proximity and things were a little… distant between us. Radek disappeared quickly, he must have spidey sense or something. Rodney and I were getting on fine, maybe a little too fine… it was all very… fine.

How is it that man can seem so… right, one minute and so idiotically… oh who am I kidding? He's a fool, a lovable…fool. How can I lie to myself? I adore him…

-oOo-

_Its chilly in the tiny little lab. The walls are still damp from the last flooding the city had been through. Rachel, who was stood rather close to Rodney, shivered in the frigid room and sniffed loudly. He glances at her but she doesn't meet his eyes. Things are very awkward between them and Rodney just couldn't see a way around it._

_Radek eyed the two of them closely and shut his laptop. "I'm just going to…" he begins, but neither Rodney or Rachel looks up. He sighs and just walks out of the labs without a backward glance. Getting them to talk to him today was like trying to draw blood from a stone. He just couldn't understand why, they had been getting on so well at Christmas, maybe they'd had another argument._

_Rachel looks up as the door to the Transporter closes and shifts along to the table where a number of different items are laid out, including several of the personal shields and a series of colourless prisms._

_She begins to count them and label each of them carefully, trying not to think 'on' as she does so. God knows what havoc she could create with these weird little objects. Sometimes she wishes that she hadn't had the ATA gene therapy. "You know it's going to be very difficult to work together if we don't actually talk to each other." Rodney says, testing the water. Rachel keeps her eyes on the clipboard she is holding._

_"Not much to talk about is there?" she replies in a low voice._

_"I think there is." Rodney replies, leaning on the work surface and looking at Rachel intently. Rachel purses her lips and turns, her blonde hair, which is loose today, whips across her face. "What do you want to say? We were drunk, I'm over it that's it." she replies with a careless shrug. Rodney frowns and walks around the work surface and folds his arms. "Don't blame the alcohol, if you hadn't have given me the present and kissed ME before you left-"_

_"Oh NO don't you dare rebound this on to me, that's what you do when you hand over a Christmas present! This was as much your fault as it was mine!"_

_"I'm not denying that, and I probably took it too far but you started this, I didn't see you kiss Teyla or Sheppard or even Beckett and Zelenka when you gave them theirs!"_

_"You think I was doing that to lead YOU on? Oh my God, do you EVER give your ego a rest? You are the most self-centred, egotistical…" Rachel can't think what to call him next and just slams the clipboard down making the items on the table jump._

_She goes to stalk out of the room, but Rodney catches her arm. "Rodney, let go of me, or you'll end up back in Medical, explaining to Carson why you have your laptop shoved left nostril." Rachel says through gritted teeth._

_"Oh so you can call ME egotistical but I can't call you back? How about stereotypical, brash and absolutely crazy?" Rodney snaps back. Rachel looks up at him reproachfully and he slowly lets go of her arm. She pulls away from him, her eyes meeting his. She drags her hair out of her face and strokes it back over her ears delicately, her eyes never leaving his._

_Seconds later they launch themselves at each other, their lips locking and hands embracing each other. The force of the kiss makes Rodney stagger back into the table of Ancient Artefacts, which go flying everywhere. Rachel runs her hand through his hair and he holds the back of her neck tenderly as they kiss passionately. Rodney leans back onto the table and pulls Rachel's slender form with him, their lips still locked._  
_They pause coming up for air, staring deeply into each others eyes. When their lips touch this time, its more tender and much less urgent than the first time. Rachel's form is slight and willowy as Rodney slides his hands around her waist. He'd never realised how slender she was. Rachel has her hands pressed against his chest. For a second he wishes that he'd been working out but she doesn't seem to care half as much as he does. Her hair smells of mint as she lets it fall around her face and over Rodney's._

_Suddenly Rachel pulls away and staggers back from him. Rodney, who is wide eyed in shock at her actions props himself up on his elbows. "I'm-I'm…" Rachel breathes, blinking several times. She shakes her head and Rodney sighs, getting off the table and walking the short distance to where she is stood. He pulls her into a gentle hug and she leans into his body, closing her eyes and sighing herself. "What do we do?" she asks._

_"I don't know what the protocol is for…" Rodney trails off._

_"I see."_

_"We'd best not…"_

_"Yeah."_

_"After all they'll just think…"_

_"I know."_

_"I'm-"_

_"It's okay." Rachel sighs. Rodney pulls away from Rachel and she pulls her top back into place._

_She ducks down under the table and begins to pick up the prisms they were studying. They have gone from being dormant to glowing a faint shade of blue. As Rodney helps her, they both reach for the same prism, their hands brushing. Beneath their outstretched hands the prism glows brighter than the rest. They look at each other in shock and both pull their hands away. The bright light dims._

_Once they collect the items up and pack them away they turn to each other. If it was possible, they were even more awkward around each other than before. "I…uh best run these up to the lab, Zelenka will probably want to take a look at them." Rodney says picking up the stack of boxes all at once. He staggers under the weight and Rachel grabs the two boxes off the top of the stack. Their eyes meet over them and Rachel looks away pointedly. "Soooo… we'll take these up to the lab, huh?" Rachel says with a tiny awkward smile. She turns away and walks to the Transporter. Rodney cheekily watches her go with a smile on his face. Rachel turns to him and raises her eyebrows to follow her, and with a smug grin, he does._


	10. December 30th 2004

_December 30th 2004_  
Rodney and I have been keeping as far away as they possibly can from each other, but it's hard. Rodney was on an away mission a few days ago and I was so scared for him. It was awful. I didn't even have the patience to write.

We also have another reason to keep away from each other. Those stupid prisms glow when either of us go near them. Rodney has passed them onto Dr Hill who is completely confused by them.

We've managed to have a bit of time together today, but that was cut short by Carson and John. It was nice while it lasted though. We went for a walk just before sunset and we went right to the end of the North Pier intending to watch the sun disappear behind the horizon. But then John and Carson appeared…I could kill them sometimes.

With New Year coming up, Dr Weir has given us another break after realizing that after the Christmas Party, she wouldn't be able to stop people from celebrating. It's going to be very difficult for Rodney and I…being together but not being able to actually spend it together.

-oOo-

_The breeze was delicate and warm, making it's way lazily along the pier. Rachel glanced behind her and then linked Rodney's arm. He smiles gently as she leans into him, her hair blowing across her face._

_It had been hard for them the past few days, keeping their distance from each other. It had been the first time they had been able to steal a moment away together since their kiss in the freezing laboratory. _

_The major strain had been Rodney going on an away mission. Granted it was only a visit to a planet they had already been to and it was only populated by small villages located not far from the Stargate, but Rachel had still worried herself sick. "Do you have the remotest idea how much I worried about you while you were away?" Rachel asks with a sigh. "A lot probably, knowing you!" Rodney replies with a sweet smile. Rachel nods smiles up at him. "I don't think I bothered to eat all day I felt so sick. I was ready to take myself off to Carson and ask for a sedative," Rachel replies with a little shy laugh, "Promise you'll take me next time?"_

_"You know I will." Rodney replies just as they get to the end of the pier._

_Rodney pulls her into a hug and Rachel closes her eyes and takes a deep breath of sea air. She opens her eyes and kisses Rodney sweetly. She sits down cross-legged like a pixie and looks up for Rodney to join her. He takes a little longer to get into a comfortable sitting position, his legs hanging over the side of the pier._

_He looks at Rachel as her hair blows across her face lazily in the breeze. She pushes her hair over her ear carefully, just like back in the lab. How the hell did he manage to get the most beautiful woman in Atlantis? And the youngest? And what was it that made him adore her so quickly? Three weeks ago he'd barely even talked to her. Three weeks ago she was threatening to throw paperweights at him and had punched him._

_Well actually, he sort of knew the answer to that already, she was beautiful, graceful, incredibly intelligent, she was down to earth, funny…and blonde. Just what was it with him and blondes, like Sam Carter. Damn it, he was sat here under the setting sun with the perfect woman and yet he still couldn't get that woman out of his head?_

_Rachel curls her arm delicately around her knees, tucking them up to her chest and leans into Rodney, who holds her close to him. Somehow, even though she is slightly taller than him, she makes herself smaller, sliding her head onto his shoulder and leaning back on him. _  
_They sit in silence, listening to the sea lap around the pier and watching the sun dip below the horizon, throwing up gold and pink and red into the cloudless sky until it looks like the whole sea is ablaze. They're content just sitting there and being with each other._

_Rodney looks down at Rachel's face, her eyes are filled with joy and her lips are slightly parted in amazement at the beauty of the sunset. She looks up at him and grins, grasping his free hand in hers. He kisses her gently and they both fall back onto the pier into each others arms._  
_Rachel flinches away and she looks up panicked. "Someone's coming!" she hisses getting off Rodney quickly, straightening her shirt and her ruffled hair. Rodney does the same, sitting up sharply and smoothing down his short hair. They move apart and look back to see who it is that has come to interrupt them._

_Its John and Carson, who yell greetings as they walk down to join them. Rachel waves and smiles tightly as Carson sits next to her making her shift along to sit closer to Rodney. "Ah yeah, Kavanagh told us you were down here," John says with a small smile, his dislike for the long haired chemist is echoed in his tone, "Look what I got!" he adds in a brighter tone. "Where did you pikey that from?" Rachel asks with a small frown. _

_Both John and Rodney look at her as if she's just fallen out of the sky and landed in front of them. "Where did you steal it from?" Rachel says correcting herself. Carson smirks as both Rodney and John make little 'oh' noises and nod their heads. "There was a bottle left over from the Christmas party and Carson… commandeered it." John says pulling his penknife out of his pocket. Carson looks bashfully at his feet._

_With a pop the wine opens and John shoots the cork into the sea where it floats in front of them for a while before disappearing as a wave washes it out of sight. The last light of the sun fades and very quickly all that is illuminating the small group is the beacons at the end of the pier. "Did Dr Weir tell you? You're gonna be heading out on a training mission in a few weeks." Carson says to Rachel pointing at nowhere in particular with his glass bearing hand. Rachel's eyebrows shoot up and she throws an accusing look at Rodney who silently conveys his apology to her. "Oh…really?" she replies, trying not to sound bothered by the news. "Yeah she wants to see how you do in the field on your own, you know, with your own team." John adds pouring another glug of wine into his glass. Rachel nods, "So who's on the team? Or is it some big surprise?" she asks, finding it hard to keep the worry out of her voice._

_At this Carson shoots a pained look at John. Rachel catches their glances and looks from one to the other quickly. "What?" she demands in a low voice._

_"Well I'm going… and Carson to teach the group some field medics, Ford, Teyla, Dr Hill, Dr Salzberg, Dr Ferris and ehem… Kavanagh…" John replies, reluctantly. Rachel groans and lets her head fall into her free hand._

_Of all the people she could be going to do a training mission with, it had to be him didn't it? Peter Kavanagh was the bane of the Science Department… no wait, the bane of Atlantis, and she would have to spend the whole day with him. Not only was he the MOST irritating man in the Pegasus Galaxy, he took everything very seriously. There were rumours of a list he kept that held every bypass, bending and breaking of the rules from the moment he had stepped one foot out of the Stargate._

_How the hell was she going to put up with him for a whole day? She rubbed her forehead with her palm and Rodney helpfully filled her glass with more wine. "So what were you guys doing out here then?" John asks. _

_Rachel jerks her head up and Rodney nearly drops his glass of wine. Thinking fast, Rachel answers. "Oh Rodney was telling me about what was expected of me with the job promotion." she replies lightening quick. Rodney nods vigorously and finishes his wine. "Uh… I should go, I have some calculations to do and yes…" he trails off and hands the glass back to John. He gets up and leaves quickly, walking down the pier as fast as he can without looking suspicious. "What the hell was all that about?" Carson asks looking back at Rodney's disappearing silhouette. Rachel just sighs and gives a shrug._


	11. December 31st 2004January 1st 2005

_December 31st 2004/January 1st 2005_  
I can hardly believe it's the start of a New Year already. It doesn't really feel like New Year to me. It's really not the same without my family here to celebrate. I'm sure that mum and dad are waiting to get a message off me, thinking that my Christmas message was late. I told Dylan that I wouldn't be able to contact them once I stepped through the Stargate, but knowing him he would have forgotten this fact and be also waiting patiently for my New Year wishes by now.

They'll be heartbroken when nothing arrives for them. I wish now I had, had the sense to record a message in advance and ask the SGC to pass it along. But I was so wrapped up in the Expedition and everything it entailed, I barely had time to think, let alone think about my family. I do regret it, but there is nothing I can do now is there?

If we ever get back into contact with Earth and the SGC, I am in for a major earful from dad, and I dare what to think mum will have to say about the matter. Hmm…maybe it's best if we don't, I really don't fancy an argument over a galaxy, can you imagine how expensive it would be to send apology flowers from here?! What are intergalactic shipping rates for a bouquet of flowers these days?

I miss them though, every day I miss them and the past few weeks especially. And I have a horrible feeling that's why I took solace with Rodney. I don't know how things are going to go between us after New Years, I really don't. I just really hope that it wasn't my way of dealing without the love and support of my family.

God I do truly miss them and I was so happy to have Rodney with me today, I'm hoping with all my heart he is still there for me come NEXT New Year.

All that's left to say is… Happy New Year, may 2005 be equally as exciting, interesting and mind-blowing as 2004.

-oOo-

_Rodney looked once around the crowded gate room and checked his watch. It was half past eleven and Rachel still hadn't turned up. He was getting worried, she'd promised to meet him there so they could walk down and watch the fireworks they had been given by a trading village a few weeks ago. He grabbed a passing Science Team member by the arm, crap what was his name, oh it didn't matter… "You wouldn't happen to know where Dr Miller might be do you?" he asks, trying not to sound too nonchalant about it. The guy just shrugs and detaches himself from Rodney's grip and heading to the buffet table._

_Rodney catches Dr Weir's eye as he walks across the Gate Room, she approaches him and he slows down. "Off already Rodney? It's not even twelve yet." she says with a smile. This was not what he needed, to get tangled up in a conversation with Elizabeth. "I'm looking for Dr Miller, she should be here for this, after all it's the first New Year on Atlantis." he replies, smiling more at how fast he came up with a cover story rather than at Elizabeth. She smiles back at him, "You know after your…little set back, shall we say, you two have been getting on like a house on fire." Elizabeth replies, dropping her eyes to her glass of wine. "Yes well…she is becoming valuable member of the team." Rodney replies in a strained tone of voice. "She's definitely on her way," Elizabeth looks up at him and is surprised to see him eyeing the door, "Am I keeping you?"_

_"Oh, no, it's just I'd like to get her down here before midnight that's all." he says, a waspish tone to his voice. Elizabeth raises her eyebrows and nods slowly. "She mentioned something about the observation deck on the south tower." Elizabeth replies. Rodney smiles and nods his thanks, hurrying through one of the Gate Rooms many exits._

* * *

_Rachel is sat at the top of the South Tower, her hands wrapped around her knees, a photograph of her family pressed against her chest. She was missing them so much, it had been hard for her to say goodbye in the first place, full in the knowledge that it might have been the last time she ever saw their faces. She had dealt with it by keeping busy. But now…with all the downtime the Expedition Team had had over the holiday period, her mind was never far from them._

_She thought about what they were doing right now, standing on the river bank overlooking Big Ben, the London Eye lit up in blue's and greens, all of them freezing but too excited to seek shelter, waiting for the chimes of Big Ben to ring out across the city, heralding a New Year and eating dodgy looking hot dogs, but not even caring because they tasted so good. Then the fireworks would start, blasting into the freezing night sky from boats on the Thames, boats and even the London Eye it's self. The colours of the fireworks would light up the whole sky and the building around it, and the face of Big Ben would shine out, proclaiming to the whole country that it was time to begin anew._

_Then she remembered the difference of time zone's and that Atlantis worked on Pacific Time and that really New Year was over and done with at home, this stupid little thought just made her even more upset not to be at home._

_She had squirreled herself away up here to enjoy the night air and watch the fireworks. That and she really didn't want to bring the mood of the party down by crying in front of everyone. She'd loose her credibility as someone not to cross. Up here she could let her tears fall freely, as they were when the door to the observation deck opened._

_Rachel looks down wiping her eyes hastily and giving a big sniff. She take a deep breath and smiles, turning to see who the newcomer is. It's Rodney, looking red and sweaty. "Did you run here?" she asks frowning. Rodney just nods his head rather than attempting to speak. Instead he collapses next to her and catches his breath. He glances at his watch and smiles. "It's a minute to midnight…I made it." he says getting to his feet and pulling Rachel up onto hers. "It's not the same without Big Ben's chimes." Rachel says, holding back tears. Rodney just shakes his head, takes her hand and smiles looking down at his watch. "Ten," he whispers softly, looking into her eyes, "Nine…eight…" _

_Rachel joins in the countdown until, "One. Happy New Year!" Rodney says smiling. They come together and share a sweet kiss. They part when a loud boom reaches their ears and the first of the fireworks explode into the midnight sky. Rachel gasps as the firework billows out, raining silver sparkles down on the city. _

_As more and more fireworks explode, the city becomes alive with colour and from their vantage spot on the South Tower they can see the whole city glow in the firework light. They gasp at the beauty of the fireworks, holding each other as they explode overhead and rain down around them, burning out just before they reach their spot._

_Rachel slides the photograph into her pocket and pats it gently to make sure it's safe. She imagines the fireworks at home and how they light up the city of London in exactly the same way as they do here. It seems though, that the fireworks at home are much brighter. She sighs as a warm breeze ruffles her untidy hair, okay so maybe there was no Big Ben and London Eye and no family to share it with, but this was the next best thing._


End file.
